A little self realization this morning.... I EXPECT abandonment. I am surprised when it does not happen. When things are good I am convinced that it is not going to last. When things are bad I am convinced it is what I deserve. I am very good at giving grace, but not so good at receiving it. I am loyal as a Labrador but I don't expect the same loyalty will be given back. It helps when things are public or written down - as in "I will never leave you or forsake you" or "Till death do us part" but even then I have my moments of doubt. Those times when I can't stand myself and I am certain no one else can either. Those times when I know I am not good enough for anyone to love at the moment, certainly not forever. When I realize how flawed I am and what an immense failure I am it is often impossible to believe that I am worthy of anything, especially love. And yet that is what I crave more than anything. It is in these times when I find myself struggling with the suffocating feeling of unworthiness. I of course can turn to my Bible - I know all the "right" passages and they are all underlined and highlighted and mostly memorized ( I was raised Baptist after all). But, honestly, some days that just isn't enough. (ok, stand back... I might get struck by lightening for saying the Bible isn't "enough") I KNOW where all this comes from - I get that never being good enough as a child has warped my sense of value and compromised how I perceive myself and my own worth - but KNOWING doesn't make it any better. I am surprised at how many people don't understand this and expect knowing the source of the pain will make it all go away. I like to think of them with a broken leg and me saying "oh, the reason your leg hurts is because the bone is snapped in two and the end of it is sticking out of your skin! So now that you know why you are hurting, stop crying about it! " When their pain continues I can quote scripture at them - surely that will help right? Seriously!!! Knowing where pain comes from does not lessen the degree of pain a person is feeling, anymore than knowing where your car has been lessens the miles on the odometer! If anything, knowing the reason just adds to the helpless feeling of never being able to "fix" things. So I know why I struggle with feelings of inadequacy, and I know why I find myself unworthy of love, and I know why I cling to people and why I am so needy... but that knowledge doesn't cease the overwhelming tide of emotions.
And that is where I am today. I feel like I am entering into a season of depression. Winter has dragged on too long. I need sunshine and warmth and cheer. I need green grass and sprinklers and children eating frozen koolaid on a stick. I need swimming pools and parks and sack lunches. I need winter to be over!!! (sorry Stark family, but Winter sucks!!)
Why am I writing this? How should you respond? I am trying to be open and honest with myself - instead of locking my feelings away, I am attempting to recognize them and acknowledge them. I am posting it because after 40 years of pain I am learning that I am not quite as alone as I once believed. There might be others out there feeling the same thing, going through the same thing, and it helps me to know they exist. I am willing to share because maybe knowing I exist will help someone else - as I said, I am much better and giving grace than receiving. If anything I said resonates with you, and you feel comfortable with it, let me know - it does help to know you are not alone in the miry pit of darkness. If you can't relate, that's okay - I'm writing this mostly for myself. I am learning to live in my truth, and go wherever this journey takes me.
~s~
Monday, February 3, 2014
Thursday, June 27, 2013
The Soapbox is Dusty intro
I grew up before the internet was invented (*gasp of horror from the teenagers reading this*). I didn't have a TV in my bedroom (nor did any of my friends). We didn't even have Cable - just three network channels, PBS, and four UHF channels (21,27,33,39) I watched the shows my parents watched. I listened to the radio station my parents listened to. I used the toothpaste my parents used, the laundry soap they used. I went to the church they went to and I liked the presidential candidate they liked. I watched the sports they watched and cheered the teams they cheered for. It didn't occur to me to question anything for myself because they told me what to think and believe. Questioning authority was simply not a concept I had any knowledge of. I respected and obeyed my parents and any authority they told me to respect and obey.
I never had an identity crisis because I knew exactly who I was. I was the person my parents had raised me to be. I was raised Baptist so I joined a Baptist church. I was raised Republican so I checked the box that said Republican on my voter's registration card. I was raised to be a Cowboy fan so I despised the Redskins. I was raised to be a Sooner, so OSU sucked. I was raised to be a certain person, and so I was.
Until I wasn't.
Since we got a computer with internet access 15 or so years ago, who I am and what I believe has changed. Some things have been a radical change, others a slight shift. Now these changes can not all be attributed to the internet, but the instant access to a infinite number of subjects has made me more aware of other people's ideas and views, and better able to research and study things I had never before thought of exploring.
Over the past 20 years I have changed from a young girl who had blind faith in a God she professed to believe in but didn't really know, to a questioning atheist/agnostic, to a pagan/Wiccan explorer to a middle aged woman who has a strong faith that has been tested and proven beyond doubt. I am secure in my knowledge of who my God is and what He has done for me. As a child I simply believed what I was told, but I have come full circle and I now believe what I KNOW. My faith has been erased and rewritten but it is solidified and permanent, unchanging.
My political views have evolved over the past twenty.... well, ok, over the past ten years as well. Although my journey of faith has brought me full circle back to what I believed as a child, my political views are not at all what I was brought up to believe, and I honestly can't say that they are anywhere close to being solidified! Most of the time I consider myself a Republican, and that is what is marked on my voter's registration, but often my views align more with Democrats. Although I have voted for a Democrat, I really don't consider myself liberal enough to be considered one. I don't know what I should be classified as. I sit in the middle and sometimes lean to the left, sometimes to the right. I have a few issues that I care deeply about - that I have studied, sought instruction and advice, prayed about and debated with myself over. These issues - the ones that I am passionate about - are the ones I have formed my own opinion about. My views are MINE and no one else's. My illustrations and justifications came from my own research, my own thoughts, my own summations, not parroted words of propaganda. There are many issues I do not know/care about, but these issues are near and dear to my heart because they are mine. You don't have to agree, but I need to state them. Perhaps these are issues you have not thought about, or points you have not heard or considered. Perhaps you will agree with me, perhaps you will not, but let your opinion be formed by you, not someone else!
.... to be continued.....
PS. I was raised in Texas. Football is in my blood. Friday night has a distinctive smell, a sound, an electric charge that can't be duplicated or explained. Saturday cartoons can never compete with collegiate ball. Sunday evenings (and used to be Mondays) belong to Dallas. Whatever changes my political and religious views have taken, my affinity for my teams will always remain. Regardless of their performance on the field, I will always cheer for the Cowboys. I will never hear the word "boomer" without following it with "sooner". I will always hear the word "panther" when "Eye of the Tiger" is played. Somethings will never change!
I never had an identity crisis because I knew exactly who I was. I was the person my parents had raised me to be. I was raised Baptist so I joined a Baptist church. I was raised Republican so I checked the box that said Republican on my voter's registration card. I was raised to be a Cowboy fan so I despised the Redskins. I was raised to be a Sooner, so OSU sucked. I was raised to be a certain person, and so I was.
Until I wasn't.
Since we got a computer with internet access 15 or so years ago, who I am and what I believe has changed. Some things have been a radical change, others a slight shift. Now these changes can not all be attributed to the internet, but the instant access to a infinite number of subjects has made me more aware of other people's ideas and views, and better able to research and study things I had never before thought of exploring.
Over the past 20 years I have changed from a young girl who had blind faith in a God she professed to believe in but didn't really know, to a questioning atheist/agnostic, to a pagan/Wiccan explorer to a middle aged woman who has a strong faith that has been tested and proven beyond doubt. I am secure in my knowledge of who my God is and what He has done for me. As a child I simply believed what I was told, but I have come full circle and I now believe what I KNOW. My faith has been erased and rewritten but it is solidified and permanent, unchanging.
My political views have evolved over the past twenty.... well, ok, over the past ten years as well. Although my journey of faith has brought me full circle back to what I believed as a child, my political views are not at all what I was brought up to believe, and I honestly can't say that they are anywhere close to being solidified! Most of the time I consider myself a Republican, and that is what is marked on my voter's registration, but often my views align more with Democrats. Although I have voted for a Democrat, I really don't consider myself liberal enough to be considered one. I don't know what I should be classified as. I sit in the middle and sometimes lean to the left, sometimes to the right. I have a few issues that I care deeply about - that I have studied, sought instruction and advice, prayed about and debated with myself over. These issues - the ones that I am passionate about - are the ones I have formed my own opinion about. My views are MINE and no one else's. My illustrations and justifications came from my own research, my own thoughts, my own summations, not parroted words of propaganda. There are many issues I do not know/care about, but these issues are near and dear to my heart because they are mine. You don't have to agree, but I need to state them. Perhaps these are issues you have not thought about, or points you have not heard or considered. Perhaps you will agree with me, perhaps you will not, but let your opinion be formed by you, not someone else!
.... to be continued.....
PS. I was raised in Texas. Football is in my blood. Friday night has a distinctive smell, a sound, an electric charge that can't be duplicated or explained. Saturday cartoons can never compete with collegiate ball. Sunday evenings (and used to be Mondays) belong to Dallas. Whatever changes my political and religious views have taken, my affinity for my teams will always remain. Regardless of their performance on the field, I will always cheer for the Cowboys. I will never hear the word "boomer" without following it with "sooner". I will always hear the word "panther" when "Eye of the Tiger" is played. Somethings will never change!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Really Target? Is that something you want to encourage?
Ok I am getting on my soapbox! I have an issue with the new Target commercial. The concept is cute and the little boys are adorable... but...
haven't you been in Target (or Walmart) and seen those boys... running around, grabbing stuff off the shelves, knocking people down or pushing the aside, yelling and screaming, playing with the merchandise.... yeah, you've seen them! And what did you think? Honestly what were the words that went through your head? They weren't "Oh how cute, little boys playing superheros!" were they? Nope, the words in your head when you see that sort of thing in real life are more like "little brats! Where is their mother? Why isn't she watching them? What is wrong with parents, letting kids run wild through the store!!!"
I think I am a fairly decent parent. My kids aren't perfect, and I am a waaaaay more liberal mom than most of the girls I grew up with. Then again, most of the girls I grew up with live in the DFW area and I live in rural America. This are just different out here. If my kid does something stupid I hear about it before she makes it home! but I digress... I am not a perfect mom, and I allow my girls more freedom than I had at their age, but I would NEVER in a MILLION YEARS allow my kids to run around and play in a store!! I can not believe that Target would have a commercial that shows that kind of behavior as a positive thing!
Am I the only one who sees that commercial and thinks that mom needs to be slapped upside the head? I know I am going on about something that I cant change, and I know there is a good chance that I am the only one who feels this way about it.... but then, it is MY blog! I can gripe about what I want to right? Aron is trying to sleep, and the computer light is keeping him up, so I will end this and say goodnight....
and please, please, please - don't let your kids run around the store playing superhero... keep them with you and make them behave themselves. If you can't do that, keep them at home when you go shopping. If you can't do that... well, just please don't be offended when I parent your kid. Its got to be done folks, and if you won't do it, I will!
good night all
to quote one of my precious little friends: Sweet sleeps!
~s~
haven't you been in Target (or Walmart) and seen those boys... running around, grabbing stuff off the shelves, knocking people down or pushing the aside, yelling and screaming, playing with the merchandise.... yeah, you've seen them! And what did you think? Honestly what were the words that went through your head? They weren't "Oh how cute, little boys playing superheros!" were they? Nope, the words in your head when you see that sort of thing in real life are more like "little brats! Where is their mother? Why isn't she watching them? What is wrong with parents, letting kids run wild through the store!!!"
I think I am a fairly decent parent. My kids aren't perfect, and I am a waaaaay more liberal mom than most of the girls I grew up with. Then again, most of the girls I grew up with live in the DFW area and I live in rural America. This are just different out here. If my kid does something stupid I hear about it before she makes it home! but I digress... I am not a perfect mom, and I allow my girls more freedom than I had at their age, but I would NEVER in a MILLION YEARS allow my kids to run around and play in a store!! I can not believe that Target would have a commercial that shows that kind of behavior as a positive thing!
Am I the only one who sees that commercial and thinks that mom needs to be slapped upside the head? I know I am going on about something that I cant change, and I know there is a good chance that I am the only one who feels this way about it.... but then, it is MY blog! I can gripe about what I want to right? Aron is trying to sleep, and the computer light is keeping him up, so I will end this and say goodnight....
and please, please, please - don't let your kids run around the store playing superhero... keep them with you and make them behave themselves. If you can't do that, keep them at home when you go shopping. If you can't do that... well, just please don't be offended when I parent your kid. Its got to be done folks, and if you won't do it, I will!
good night all
to quote one of my precious little friends: Sweet sleeps!
~s~
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
So, it's been awhile!
Wow! Once again it has been months since I have written..... but I did NOT forget my password so I got back in!!
Biggest change for the Dillahunty crew is we moved! We are now living in a duplex... very much smaller than our house on Chelsea, but we fit, and we can afford it, and it is much nicer as well! The floor isn't cracked, the electricity is sound, and the plumbing is all as it should be!
We had to have Nellie put down, and Aron took Marsha to the Family Farm store, so we are down to Tabitha and Rufus and McGee.... sort of.
When we first moved in we were introduced to Mama cat... a stray that comes and goes and is fed by various neighbors. Well we hadn't been here too long before Mama brought two kittens to our front door! Turk (boy) and Elliott(girl). Mama disappeared but the kittens stayed. We made them a house out of a rubbermaid tub and they were very happy. A week or so later another kitten Donna appeared. She got along fine with Turk and Elliott, and there is still some debate about her origins - was she the same litter as Turk and Elli or not? The three of them braved the winter in their little house in the back yard. About once a month or so Mama cat would reappear and we would, of course, feed her too. So our home went from three kitties to one, and then very quickly up to four. And then one day a couple of weeks ago Mama reappeared in the front - very very pregnant. I felt her tummy and felt the kittens move! Awesome experience! Well the next day I came home at lunch and let Rufus out and discovered Mama in Turk, Elliott and Donna's house. She was panting and purring and had a glazed expression and I assumed she was in labor.... but she wasn't. She was nursing!!! Four little kittens!!! Oh they are soooo cute!
We will be giving them away, as 9 kitties is waaaay too many! Aaaannnd CG thinks Elliott is pg, and it is quite possible Donna is too! So if anyone wants to donate to a charity - please help us get Elliott Donna and Mama fixed!!! We do not need any more kittens!!!
Other changes... I took a 3 month job in the cafeteria at the hospital - I had never done that type of work before, but I think I did okay! I definitely developed some muscles I did not have before! In January I started working at EZMoney Loan Services. We do payday, title and installment loans. I am working with my friend Susan, who I worked with in Head Start. The money is good, and I don't have to bring ANYTHING home to do! I do work late hours though, and that sucks. Frequently when I get home from work the fam has already eaten, so I make a sandwich and go crawl in bed, spend a bit of time on the computer, and then go to bed. Not much time for anything else!
And the girls: Madi was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD - which is essentially ADD. She is on medication and is doing REALLY well! Grades in school are up, responsibility and listening skills are better at home. We are very pleased! Carey Grace is only a 10th grader but she has already double lettered in band and UIL academics! She is also going the new Dani Demon!!! We are so excited and proud of her!
Aron is still teaching 5th grade at the Intermediate school.....
and he just told me to go look at the clouds (we are in a tornado watch and it hailed so badly this afternoon they are trying to keep cars off the highway)
so I am going to go see if we are going to have a tornado!!! eek!
until next time,
~staci~
Biggest change for the Dillahunty crew is we moved! We are now living in a duplex... very much smaller than our house on Chelsea, but we fit, and we can afford it, and it is much nicer as well! The floor isn't cracked, the electricity is sound, and the plumbing is all as it should be!
We had to have Nellie put down, and Aron took Marsha to the Family Farm store, so we are down to Tabitha and Rufus and McGee.... sort of.
When we first moved in we were introduced to Mama cat... a stray that comes and goes and is fed by various neighbors. Well we hadn't been here too long before Mama brought two kittens to our front door! Turk (boy) and Elliott(girl). Mama disappeared but the kittens stayed. We made them a house out of a rubbermaid tub and they were very happy. A week or so later another kitten Donna appeared. She got along fine with Turk and Elliott, and there is still some debate about her origins - was she the same litter as Turk and Elli or not? The three of them braved the winter in their little house in the back yard. About once a month or so Mama cat would reappear and we would, of course, feed her too. So our home went from three kitties to one, and then very quickly up to four. And then one day a couple of weeks ago Mama reappeared in the front - very very pregnant. I felt her tummy and felt the kittens move! Awesome experience! Well the next day I came home at lunch and let Rufus out and discovered Mama in Turk, Elliott and Donna's house. She was panting and purring and had a glazed expression and I assumed she was in labor.... but she wasn't. She was nursing!!! Four little kittens!!! Oh they are soooo cute!
We will be giving them away, as 9 kitties is waaaay too many! Aaaannnd CG thinks Elliott is pg, and it is quite possible Donna is too! So if anyone wants to donate to a charity - please help us get Elliott Donna and Mama fixed!!! We do not need any more kittens!!!
Other changes... I took a 3 month job in the cafeteria at the hospital - I had never done that type of work before, but I think I did okay! I definitely developed some muscles I did not have before! In January I started working at EZMoney Loan Services. We do payday, title and installment loans. I am working with my friend Susan, who I worked with in Head Start. The money is good, and I don't have to bring ANYTHING home to do! I do work late hours though, and that sucks. Frequently when I get home from work the fam has already eaten, so I make a sandwich and go crawl in bed, spend a bit of time on the computer, and then go to bed. Not much time for anything else!
And the girls: Madi was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD - which is essentially ADD. She is on medication and is doing REALLY well! Grades in school are up, responsibility and listening skills are better at home. We are very pleased! Carey Grace is only a 10th grader but she has already double lettered in band and UIL academics! She is also going the new Dani Demon!!! We are so excited and proud of her!
Aron is still teaching 5th grade at the Intermediate school.....
and he just told me to go look at the clouds (we are in a tornado watch and it hailed so badly this afternoon they are trying to keep cars off the highway)
so I am going to go see if we are going to have a tornado!!! eek!
until next time,
~staci~
Saturday, September 10, 2011
10 years ago tomorrow...
Ten years ago tomorrow was a Tuesday. I was working at Mother's Day Out, Aron was at Morningside. Carey Grace was in Kindergarten and Madi (then Maddie) was almost 3. Aron's grandma, GG, was in a nursing home in Dumas.
Aron and CG had already gone to school, and I jumped in the shower to get ready for work. The first plane hit while I was in the shower. I called my dad, recently retired, to see if he was watching, and to talk to him about it. I knew nothing about NYC or the world trade center, but I just kept thinking that looked like a lot of damage for a Cessna to do (as was being reported).
You know how sometimes the world seems to move in slow motion while your brain is on fast forward? I saw a huge plane from the corner of the screen and I remember thinking "oh my gosh, that plane shouldn't be flying so close to the fire!" Then I thought " It must be a fire plane"... planes that fly over fires and drop water or fire retardant on the top of the fire while fire fighters fight it from the ground. Normally these planes are small, but I was willing to accept that I did not know everything about fighting fires..... I said to my dad (on the phone) "there is another plane..... oh my god!!!! Dad didn't see it, he had taken his eyes off the TV for a moment, but after a few exclamations from the news anchors, they replayed it and he saw. I remember saying "dad, that wasn't an accident! That was on purpose! Who would do that?" I remember thinking "I hope there were no passengers on that plane", which was obviously a 747 type passenger plane, not a Cessna!
Eventually I made it to work, where I was a bad teacher and put in a movie for the kids while we listened to the news on the radio.... at lunch I had the presence of mind to pop a tape in the VCR and I recorded the news non stop until I ran out of tapes somewhere in the evening of the 13th. Still haven't watched the videos, but I have them!
this was supposed to be longer, better written, and more poignant, but I have to go do things so at least it is recorded!!
~s~
Aron and CG had already gone to school, and I jumped in the shower to get ready for work. The first plane hit while I was in the shower. I called my dad, recently retired, to see if he was watching, and to talk to him about it. I knew nothing about NYC or the world trade center, but I just kept thinking that looked like a lot of damage for a Cessna to do (as was being reported).
You know how sometimes the world seems to move in slow motion while your brain is on fast forward? I saw a huge plane from the corner of the screen and I remember thinking "oh my gosh, that plane shouldn't be flying so close to the fire!" Then I thought " It must be a fire plane"... planes that fly over fires and drop water or fire retardant on the top of the fire while fire fighters fight it from the ground. Normally these planes are small, but I was willing to accept that I did not know everything about fighting fires..... I said to my dad (on the phone) "there is another plane..... oh my god!!!! Dad didn't see it, he had taken his eyes off the TV for a moment, but after a few exclamations from the news anchors, they replayed it and he saw. I remember saying "dad, that wasn't an accident! That was on purpose! Who would do that?" I remember thinking "I hope there were no passengers on that plane", which was obviously a 747 type passenger plane, not a Cessna!
Eventually I made it to work, where I was a bad teacher and put in a movie for the kids while we listened to the news on the radio.... at lunch I had the presence of mind to pop a tape in the VCR and I recorded the news non stop until I ran out of tapes somewhere in the evening of the 13th. Still haven't watched the videos, but I have them!
this was supposed to be longer, better written, and more poignant, but I have to go do things so at least it is recorded!!
~s~
Poll Questions and 9/11
I hate unclear or biased poll questions! Take for example GMA's daily poll: do you think America will recover from 9/11? Three choices: a) yes, I think we will recover we just need more time. b) yes, I think we have already recovered. and c) no, I think we will never be the same.
Why does recovery have to equal being the same? As a nation, we have recovered from massive outbreaks of "Yellow Fever" that wiped out entire townships, yet we no longer sit around the fire in our mud thatched homes waiting for brother to unhitch the horses and come inside so we can listen to Pa play the fiddle while sister finishes her embroidery sampler.
Some might say that is an unfair compairison because the advancement of lifestyle and invention of technology have nothing to do with Yellow Fever... ok how about this.... we wash our hands with antibacterial soap, we clean our dishes with hot soap and water, we keep our foods fresh, we go to the doctor and get antibiotics... these are advancements in technology that keep us from getting epidemic diseases.... we don't do things involving our health and safety the same as we did in Laura and Mary's day! Does this mean we have not recovered from yellow fever?
Times change, technology is invented and people figure out new and better ways to do things. That is progress, not the lack of recovery! Just because we have stepped up security in airports and people as a whole are more alert and aware of their surroundings, does not mean we have failed to recover from 9/11.
I was shocked to see my answer of "b" (already recovered) was the least chosen response in this poll, and "c" (never be the same) had almost 50% of the votes, then I realized the difference in wording was throwing people off.
I looked up a definiton of "recovered" and found it is a "return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength" or to "be well again". Have we as a nation recovered from 9/11? Yes, we have returned to normal. We no longer have people wandering the streets of NYC covered in ash and soot, bleeding from gaping wounds, and crying out the names of missing loved ones. We no longer have pillars of smoke filling the skyline where massive architectural giants once stood. Men and women who lost loved ones have remarried. Children who lost parents have grown up. Senior citizens have passed away, babies have been born. People go to work, to the store, to the movies.... our lives have returned to normal so by definition we have "recovered".
Will we ever be the same again? No! Our lives as Americans and world citizens, whether we live in downtown New York, Toyoko, or the panhandle of Texas, have been forever changed by the events of Tuesday September 11, 2001. We will never be the same, and we will never forget that day, but we have moved on to a place where we can "be well again."
God Bless America!
Why does recovery have to equal being the same? As a nation, we have recovered from massive outbreaks of "Yellow Fever" that wiped out entire townships, yet we no longer sit around the fire in our mud thatched homes waiting for brother to unhitch the horses and come inside so we can listen to Pa play the fiddle while sister finishes her embroidery sampler.
Some might say that is an unfair compairison because the advancement of lifestyle and invention of technology have nothing to do with Yellow Fever... ok how about this.... we wash our hands with antibacterial soap, we clean our dishes with hot soap and water, we keep our foods fresh, we go to the doctor and get antibiotics... these are advancements in technology that keep us from getting epidemic diseases.... we don't do things involving our health and safety the same as we did in Laura and Mary's day! Does this mean we have not recovered from yellow fever?
Times change, technology is invented and people figure out new and better ways to do things. That is progress, not the lack of recovery! Just because we have stepped up security in airports and people as a whole are more alert and aware of their surroundings, does not mean we have failed to recover from 9/11.
I was shocked to see my answer of "b" (already recovered) was the least chosen response in this poll, and "c" (never be the same) had almost 50% of the votes, then I realized the difference in wording was throwing people off.
I looked up a definiton of "recovered" and found it is a "return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength" or to "be well again". Have we as a nation recovered from 9/11? Yes, we have returned to normal. We no longer have people wandering the streets of NYC covered in ash and soot, bleeding from gaping wounds, and crying out the names of missing loved ones. We no longer have pillars of smoke filling the skyline where massive architectural giants once stood. Men and women who lost loved ones have remarried. Children who lost parents have grown up. Senior citizens have passed away, babies have been born. People go to work, to the store, to the movies.... our lives have returned to normal so by definition we have "recovered".
Will we ever be the same again? No! Our lives as Americans and world citizens, whether we live in downtown New York, Toyoko, or the panhandle of Texas, have been forever changed by the events of Tuesday September 11, 2001. We will never be the same, and we will never forget that day, but we have moved on to a place where we can "be well again."
God Bless America!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
And 7 months later......
I had to quit blogging for a bit there - stuff was going on and it was just too stressful. So to catch you up:
January/February - Dad was taken off the ventilator and eventually got to leave the CCU, then the hospital. He is fine now! Carey Grace turned 15, I turned 38. Grandpa got moved out of assisted living into a nursing home. He was there about two weeks with only minor mishaps, falls, grumpy spells, misunderstandings, etc. Then he had a BAD fall and was sent to the hospital. He had a broken arm and some other injuries, but mentally he started sliding downhill FAST. A resident's wife (at the nursing home) told mom that she didn't think Grandpa "fell". That on top of some other stuff bothering mom caused her to choose another nursing home, which he went to when he was released from the hospital. A week after that he was put on Hospice... which brings us to
March - we didn't get to go skiing, but we did take our first ever family vacation! The four Hutchins and the five of us (Rufus got to go!) went camping at Boiling Springs State Park near Woodward Oklahoma. It was WONDERFUL! We had a great time doing nothing! We did tour a cave, took a couple of hikes, did a lot of cooking and just hanging out! Last night there the wind was bad so instead of cooking sans fire, we went to town and had BBQ at a hole in the wall place. It was a fabulous trip and I look forward to going camping again sometime if I can get Aron to agree!
Gpa was put on hospice, and on March 22 he passed away. He was burried in Shawnee OK and Aron and the girls and I all went to the funeral in Plano. While all this was happening, I found out that my contract was not being renewed. I resigned to prevent that from happening, and I was mildly comforted that 11 people resigned when I did and I know only one of them that resigned willingly (she was moving) and over half of the remaining 10 were in the same boat as me! Budget cuts suck.
April May.... went on the Band trip to St. Louis - it was awesome and I had a great time! So glad I was able to make this memory with CG..... don't know that I will get to go on band trips again, as the time off will be harder to arrange!
June-July.... Went to camp (Panfork) with Madi, then turned around and went to camp (Piney Woods) with CG. Spent some time with mom, visited 6th floor museum in Dallas that I have been wanting to go to for forever!
August.... Summer band! This year they had THREE A DAYS! We have a new director (the previous director was forced to resign the same month I was!) and he is really whipping the kids into shape!! They went from 8- 12, then home for lunch and back from 1-4:00, then home for supper and back from 6-8:30. Only home 3 1/2 hrs out of 12 1/2! BUT they are doing AMAZING! they sound so good! The new guy seems to really have great plans for our little band, and right now the district is willing to give him whatever he wants.... we are getting new uniforms, new percussion instruments, new equipment, mikes, even a new wood floor for the band hall!!!!
Also our landlords are divorcing and selling the house to split the assets, so we are having to move. Found a TINY duplex that accepts pets so it looks like we will put half our stuff in storage and be moving the 1st of September AGAIN! Oh how I hate moving in Sept!!! Oh well, praise the Lord we are all together and okay.... don't know how we will pay our bills, but somehow we will make it!
School starts next week, Aron is already back doing inservice. This is the first time in 16 years that I haven't been up at the school helping him get ready or getting myself ready for the new year. It feels weird. Also knowing that I won't have summers off, 2 weeks at Christmas, etc..... very weird.
Anyhow, that about catches you up. Perhaps I can post more regularly now.... hahaha, yeah, we shall see huh? Next post will be less day to day and more profound, just needed to fill the gap from January to August!
Everybody have a great day!
January/February - Dad was taken off the ventilator and eventually got to leave the CCU, then the hospital. He is fine now! Carey Grace turned 15, I turned 38. Grandpa got moved out of assisted living into a nursing home. He was there about two weeks with only minor mishaps, falls, grumpy spells, misunderstandings, etc. Then he had a BAD fall and was sent to the hospital. He had a broken arm and some other injuries, but mentally he started sliding downhill FAST. A resident's wife (at the nursing home) told mom that she didn't think Grandpa "fell". That on top of some other stuff bothering mom caused her to choose another nursing home, which he went to when he was released from the hospital. A week after that he was put on Hospice... which brings us to
March - we didn't get to go skiing, but we did take our first ever family vacation! The four Hutchins and the five of us (Rufus got to go!) went camping at Boiling Springs State Park near Woodward Oklahoma. It was WONDERFUL! We had a great time doing nothing! We did tour a cave, took a couple of hikes, did a lot of cooking and just hanging out! Last night there the wind was bad so instead of cooking sans fire, we went to town and had BBQ at a hole in the wall place. It was a fabulous trip and I look forward to going camping again sometime if I can get Aron to agree!
Gpa was put on hospice, and on March 22 he passed away. He was burried in Shawnee OK and Aron and the girls and I all went to the funeral in Plano. While all this was happening, I found out that my contract was not being renewed. I resigned to prevent that from happening, and I was mildly comforted that 11 people resigned when I did and I know only one of them that resigned willingly (she was moving) and over half of the remaining 10 were in the same boat as me! Budget cuts suck.
April May.... went on the Band trip to St. Louis - it was awesome and I had a great time! So glad I was able to make this memory with CG..... don't know that I will get to go on band trips again, as the time off will be harder to arrange!
June-July.... Went to camp (Panfork) with Madi, then turned around and went to camp (Piney Woods) with CG. Spent some time with mom, visited 6th floor museum in Dallas that I have been wanting to go to for forever!
August.... Summer band! This year they had THREE A DAYS! We have a new director (the previous director was forced to resign the same month I was!) and he is really whipping the kids into shape!! They went from 8- 12, then home for lunch and back from 1-4:00, then home for supper and back from 6-8:30. Only home 3 1/2 hrs out of 12 1/2! BUT they are doing AMAZING! they sound so good! The new guy seems to really have great plans for our little band, and right now the district is willing to give him whatever he wants.... we are getting new uniforms, new percussion instruments, new equipment, mikes, even a new wood floor for the band hall!!!!
Also our landlords are divorcing and selling the house to split the assets, so we are having to move. Found a TINY duplex that accepts pets so it looks like we will put half our stuff in storage and be moving the 1st of September AGAIN! Oh how I hate moving in Sept!!! Oh well, praise the Lord we are all together and okay.... don't know how we will pay our bills, but somehow we will make it!
School starts next week, Aron is already back doing inservice. This is the first time in 16 years that I haven't been up at the school helping him get ready or getting myself ready for the new year. It feels weird. Also knowing that I won't have summers off, 2 weeks at Christmas, etc..... very weird.
Anyhow, that about catches you up. Perhaps I can post more regularly now.... hahaha, yeah, we shall see huh? Next post will be less day to day and more profound, just needed to fill the gap from January to August!
Everybody have a great day!
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